Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
