I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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