I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Pants are for mortals
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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