She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
