Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
