my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize