I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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