So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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