Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize