she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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