Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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