Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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