Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
