I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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