meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize