I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
