Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
