garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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