Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
