The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
