Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
