Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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