You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
