I'm jealous of your bromance
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
