She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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