she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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