Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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