Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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