there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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