He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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