i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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