So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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