your thong is hanging out like whoa
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
