I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
