return my video game
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
