well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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