You smell like stripper and shame
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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