You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
