I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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