So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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