i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
