So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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