We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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