Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Shame - the story of my life.
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