Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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