My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
