I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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