but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Two words: nipple clamps
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