I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize