So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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