A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
