who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I need a burrito and a hug.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
