i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
