There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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