Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
