Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Be still, my beating vagina.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
