I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
