I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
