now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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