i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
