Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
