Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
