..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
