dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
