My first STD was from a foam party
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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