she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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