Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
