just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
