FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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