I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
