Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
