Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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