I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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