I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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