I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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