I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
