Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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