thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize