I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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